packing my things

and going back to where i came. river cabin. beach side. new jobs. smell ya later.

ryan james brennan

we lost an amazing friend, brother, son, and shredder this week. wildly tragic and hard to handle are understatements. few days of an irish funeral did not even take the edge off. i wanted to post a few photos of ryan to look back on. and this ridiculous video i recorded last summer. there is something so profound and haunting about pictures of the ones you have loved and lost...like they are looking back and now know something you do not. or they have found some kind of peace in a secret. 


he was such a beautiful soul. wild to the bone. he could exist for months with a dollar in his pocket. he made friends everywhere he went. his energy was completely contagious. he was the type of person who really lived their life...fully. i mean hop a train across country with no money and find your way type of human. always had a guitar, skateboard and a book of tao-te ching on him. after he passed i read a passage he highlighted in that book..."we gain by losing, lose by gaining." i am trying to keep that in the front of my mind right now to stop the hurt. 


so many good stories of his that i wrote down....doing drugs with fake celebrities in hollywood, train hop traveling, banjo-etiquette...he knew so much. one of the last times i saw him i was in a bad mood. i don't know if he could sense it, or if he was just being a sweetheart, but he hugged me and told me how much he liked my hair. "i love that you just let it do its thing! no one lets anything do its things anymore!" you were so right ryan.


one of our friends wrote this about him and it is dead on:


"What a total badass! Killer Motorhead mustache and ultimate meltdown metal licks. We can learn a lot from this dude: Keep a free spirit, travel like there are no borders, live deliberately, and always keep a smile on your face. The support for you this week proves that you were one of those unique individuals that influences everyone around you; a rare gift in a weird and often sad world. I don't know what is on the other side, but I am sure you are shredding the shit out of it (w/Dio)! R.I.P Brotha"


our friends took this photo of a quote he wrote on his wall:





"while living, be a dead man. and then, whatever you do, just as you will, will be right."


may you shine on forever ryan. you crazy, beautiful being. 

give me hot knives

our buddy roe shot these while we were recording two new tracks with paul ritchie in the bowels of the hangzone in long branch. i lived in that town as a girl. always weird to go back. i remember the smell and the kick ass mexican food all too well. 

sadness is my boyfriend

lucia brought this video to my attention. really dig the way lykke li's music is progressing.
i have never felt so easily relatable to something so ridiculous. love it.

insomnia

love will rough you up. you've got to come to terms with that. it will have you wandering the streets like a weary stray, too defeated to lift a leg to piss. find a home in the hurt. build a fortress. remember that a few days of pain is better than a minute of some asshole's pity. never let them see you sleeping between the trash cans. lick your wounds in the dark. keep moving. keep dodging the eyes. limp on down the road.

love is a dog from hell. so are you.

tangled in your vines

some photos of a shoot we did with one of my favorite creatures, lucia holm.
check out her photography here. especially the self-portraits. she is one handsome devil. 

watermelon cocktail

Stole this recipe from the Because I'm Addicted blog. I've been on a severe watermelon kick this summer - always have one cut up in the fridge. Plus I usually have a bottle of vodka or ten in the freezer. This cocktail is perfect for switching it up between shitty bbq beer and whiskey benders. It's summer, after all. 


The Watermelon Picnic Cocktail

You will need:
2 Parts Kanon Vodka
2 Parts Watermelon Chunks
2 Parts Lemon Lime Soda
1/2 Part Lemon Juice
1/2 part Simple Syrup (easy recipe here)

1. Chop watermelon and muddle in a mixing tin along with lemon juice and simple syrup, add Kanon, shake it like a polaroid picture.

2. Strain into a glass over ice, top with lemon lime soda, garnish with a slice of watermelon. Enjoy!

treat me like your mother

i need to start a representative drawing-a-day type journal. this shit is getting out of hand.

a special place in hell

June 16, 2008: 2-year-old Caylee Anthony is last seen alive leaving the home of her grandparents, George and Cindy Anthony, along with her mother Casey.

June 18, 2008: Casey Anthony borrows a shovel from Brian Burner, a neighbor of George and Cindy Anthony. Burner says that Anthony returned it an hour later.

June 19, 2008: Casey Anthony goes with boyfriend Tony Lazzaro to help him look for an apartment.

June 20, 2008: Casey Anthony is captured in various photos partying at Fusion nightclub and participating in a “hard body contest.”

June 23, 2008: Casey Anthony and her boyfriend, Lazzaro, break into a shed at the Anthony family home to borrow her father’s gas cans to fill her car, which had run empty.

June 24, 2008: Casey Anthony gets into a fight with George Anthony about the gas and she storms out of the home. She tells her father that Caylee is with the babysitter, Zanny.

June 25, 2008: Cell phone records show she was in the area of her parents’ home.

June 28, 2008: Casey Anthony’s car is towed from the parking lot of a check cashing store after a supervisor calls to report it abandoned.

June 30, 2008: Casey Anthony is captured in surveillance videos shopping at JC Penney and Target.

July 1, 2008: Surveillance video shows Casey Anthony back in JC Penney buying more clothes.

July 10, 2008: Casey Anthony is recorded in surveillance video at Target.

July 12, 2008: Casey Anthony is seen in surveillance video at Winn-Dixie

July 15, 2008: Casey Anthony is recorded in Blockbuster Video, Bank of America and Winn-Dixie surveillance videos.

July 15, 2008: George and Cindy Anthony pick up Casey’s car from a tow yard. George Anthony observes a strong odor emanating from the vehicle. Later, back at the Anthony family home, Casey tells her mother and brother, Lee Anthony, that she hasn’t seen Caylee in a month and that a babysitter named Zanaida Fernandez Gonzalez (Zanny) kidnapped her.

July 15-16, 2008: Casey Anthony takes police to the last place she says she saw Caylee. It turns out to be a vacant apartment. Authorities also take her to Universal Studios where she said she worked, but supervisors there say she hasn’t worked there in more than two years.

October 14, 2008: Casey Anthony indicted on charges of first-degree murder, along with aggravated manslaughter, aggravated child abuse and four counts of lying to police.

December 11, 2008: The skeletal remains of Caylee Anthony are discovered in a wooded area not far from the Anthony family home.

May 9, 2011: Jury selection begins in Clearwater for Casey Anthony’s murder trial.

May 24, 2011: Trial begins in Orlando. The prosecution shows jurors a photo during opening statements of Caylee Anthony alive and smiling, along with a picture of the girl’s skull as it was found in 2008. They say Anthony used duct tape to suffocate her. The defense contends the child actually drowned in her grandparents’ swimming pool.

July 5, 2011: Casey Anthony acquitted of murdering Caylee but convicted of giving false information to police.^[81]